Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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