Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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