some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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