im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
