She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
