And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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