Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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