A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
