I just made out with a guy for $7.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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