Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
