i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
