all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
