i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She told me I should be a condom model.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
