And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
