I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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