please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do you have feelings for this penis?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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