Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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