Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
