Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
