you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I fill condoms, not promises.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
