When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
