That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
