he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ttyl tear gas
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
