awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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