Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
