babies were throwing up all over the place
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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