I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
