i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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