plz talk dirty to me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
