yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this beer tastes like vomit already
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
