Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
