dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She bit a glass in half.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
