She went from zero to smokin in five shots
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
