Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
