Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
