So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
