If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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