Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
