is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
