he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
