I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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