She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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