you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
