Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
