I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
