He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
