i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
