The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
