Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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