If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
