he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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